Millions of people are sitting at home alone right now pondering suicide looking at a large stack of bills, cut off notices, repossession notices, eviction notices and foreclosure letters. So many hard working people that have focused their lives on doing the RIGHT THING are at the verge of losing their life savings and all that they hold dear. These unfortunate circumstances are a catalyst to destroying relationships, businesses, families and even faith in God. I know this harsh reality very well and to those that are living it right now; I would like to give you something to think about BEFORE you kill yourself.
It would be dishonest of me to pretend to be on a perch looking down on life and pretending that everything is ok within me and household. Truth be told; I have attempted to kill myself in the past and there have been moments in the present that I have fallen back to those thoughts. My life is no different than yours as I also face tough financial choices. Living with depression and P.T.S.D from a very dark traumatic past isn’t making my situation better. But those old issues did not have me looking at my gun and thinking about swallowing a bullet lately. My current situation requires faith and hard work to push through; and I have come up with several questions that I ask myself to help me hold on to this world a little longer.
1. IS MY SUICIDE COVERED ON MY LIFE INSURANCE POLICY?
Unfortunately, many insurance companies are very gifted in NOT paying out anything as they continue to take your premiums every month. You guarantee your family NOTHING if you decide on a permanent exit strategy at your own hands. Funerals are expensive and the financial cost alone would cripple most families. If I want my wife and kids to get any money I have to die of natural causes, in an accident or wait to be a victim of a violent crime. This alone is depressing and forces me to stay alive yet another day.
2. IS MY SUICIDE GOING TO DESTROY MY FAMILY?
The answer to this question is a resounding yes. My seven children have already suffered enough through the death of my oldest son Victor in 2008. We were able to galvanize as a family and push past incredible challenges because we stood together. As the father; I am the foundation and strength for my family. Killing myself would be like snatching the rug from under them and watching them suffer unnecessarily. To know that my children are in more pain because of me is simply unacceptable. This alone is depressing and forces me to stay alive yet another day.
3. WILL MY WIFE REMARRY AFTER I KILL MYSELF?
This question may sound trivial to some, but it is a very serious matter. Some of you are married to incredible women and do not believe in sharing your wife and there is no way in hell that you could imagine her with another man. The hard truth is that she will eventually move on with her life and some other dude that did not put in all the hard work to empower her, build her, support her and take care of her will benefit off of your efforts. That does not sit well with you because YOU built each other and rose together and if need be; you will fall together. This alone is depressing and forces you to stay alive yet another day.
4. IS MY SUICIDE COMING 1 DAY BEFORE MY BREAKTHROUGH?
The good book tells us that it is always darkest before the dawn. Too many of us give up right before the miracle happens. I would be an idiot to believe that everyone that is reading this blog is a Christian. But as a man of faith, I will tell you that I thank God for delivering me through some very harsh moments of my past. Living through the agony of being raped when I was a kid, abandoned by my dad and growing up in an abusive household had me attempt suicide several times to no avail. Those failures to kill myself angered me at first but I soon realized that I was NOT meant to die at those times. I am privileged to help others that are living very similar lives to my own an my testimony of survival brings them hope. I lived to see my breakthrough and now I am fighting daily to push past my current darkness knowing that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I am not trying to make light any situation that you are going through. Everybody hurts differently, but killing yourself leads to the same result; your brutal removal out of the lives of your loved ones and permanently altering their futures forever. Some of you may feel that you are alone and no one cares about you. Well, I want you to know that I care and your life is worth fighting for. We will stand together in support of each other and face our demons head on. We will show the world just how powerful we are…All we have to do is STAY ALIVE!
Family Leadership Authority